Good things happen to those who wait

I'm so excited of the good things that are about to come. I can feel it in every nerve of my body that the time is near! I've never been this positive about my life before. I feel that I can just relax and take things slow because my destiny will be waiting for me no matter what. No need to rush. All my life I've been rushing things, I've always felt that life was too short so I felt that I had to be ahead of the game all the time and bec. of it I've taken too many short cuts. Way too many, that I've been going back and forth trying to pick up the pieces that I've left out. Rushing got me into trouble, not just once but many times but I've also learned to forgive myself for it. People make mistakes but there is always hope for change. My life is not perfect, it has never been but my future will be. All the things that has happened to me and all the things that are happening right now are just preparing me for a big future ahead of me. I believe that with every part of my being.

Life Lessons

These past few days have been really important to me. I have learned to let go of things I cannot control. And It is quite liberating. I am also learning to not care about what people think of me. I no longer allow people around me to decide whether I will be having a bad day or not. All my life, I've depended my moods on the moods of people around me or the people I care about. If they were having a bad day then chances are I will be too. I've learned that people can hurt me or take advantage of me, only if I allow them. I've also learned that ignoring negative things I hear from a loved one does not mean disrespecting them but rather it's my way of respecting myself and protecting my feelings. Who else can do that for me but me.

Some people get the kick out of degrading other people. I don't know if those are their own insecurities speaking for them.  All my life, I've allowed these negative things into my life. I usually would cry for hours, over analyzing what I had done wrong and how I could have turned things around. Well, surprise! there was nothing that I could have done to change it. Sometimes, people just say mean things because they can. Plain and simple. That's the reality of life.
As long as I'm not hurting other people then I'll be fine. People can say whatever, I am who I think I am.

I've also learned not to allow people to control me. Who I see and cannot see, where I can go and cannot go.Specially if those people can't even do the same thing. Why would they ask me to do something that they themselves won't do? I have a life too. And I will live it the way I want to.

Another thing I've learned is to love myself. I remember for many years, whenever we go out and I would only shop for my kids. As a result, they have a ton of clothes I don't know where to put and things they couldn't or wouldn't even use anymore and when I go to my own closet, I always couldn't find anything to wear. I mostly have pajama bottoms and huge t shirts. It's okay to love yourself and indulge once in a while. Because you deserve it even if people say that you don't. I make sure people here go to school and to work, on time, food is always served, chores are always done so why can't I have the things I want? No one can ever tell me otherwise. Not anymore. I know that I deserve what I want, what I get and what I will have.

One more thing that I've also realized is to dress up nicely, put make up on, fix your hair...NOT FOR ANYBODY but for yourself. Be pretty for yourself. Because if you do it for someone else and then you ask them for their opinion and you don't get the reaction you want then hello sucky day! Well guess what, I don't care anymore what people think of how my hair is or what the hell I'm wearing. Unless, they look perfect themselves. Then maybe, just maybe I'd listen.

Another thing I've learned lately... Never force yourself to anyone. Never please anyone so they would love you back, praise you, accept you, love you, like you or whatever kind of love you are expecting from that person. If people like you, if a lover likes you or loves you, they will show it no matter what you do with your life! Whether you're a bitch or perfect little goody goody girl, if they love you, they love you. They would accept you for who you are, flaws and all. If you think people would love you if only you do what they want, oh my, then you are screwed. Been there done that! I'm just happy I made out alive.

I could go on and on and on about life's lessons but there is always tomorrow.
Actually, that's the last lesson for tonight. If you don't finish doing the things you are supposed to do today, don't beat up yourself for it... there is always tomorrow to try do it again or finish a task you've started. And if today didn't turn out as you would have expected it to, there's always tomorrow and tomorrow is always a better day. Trust me. The only way to go from the bottom, is up. But only if you believe it.

Goodnight World.

Silence is good

8:21am. I love having this quiet time. When all the kids are in school and River is fast asleep. Last night was not so tough. River and I usually sleep at 3am. But last night, I talked to him and after all the loud fake cries and screaming, I was able to talk him out of using the imac or from watching tv in the living room. I know I should have done this before but those puppy eyes were so hard to resist. But now, things are going to change around here.

In other news, :) well, this is another day filled with shipping my orders out, chores and doing house repairs. Sometimes, it's so frustrating to do repairs! Specially if men are supposed to be doing  it.  I have two doors to reinstall (kid's bathroom and bedroom) and I tell you, it's a tough project for a woman to do but if I don't do it, who will?

Halloween is fast approaching. I haven't finished decorating yet. The kids don't have costumes yet though the girls are fine with DIY costumes. Right now, only the dog has a costume. He has a turtle costume from his previous owner. A dog as a turtle, how awesome! Last year, River was Bruce Lee and he looked so handsome. I wonder what he'd be this year.

Oh well, I should stop talking to myself now and start doing the things I need to be doing.

When you're feeling down...

Wear candy scented pretty shoes!

And this blog has risen from the ashes

I felt the need to revive this blog. Lack of friends made me do it. Blogging is like my imaginary friend.

Anyways, I want to do something drastic today. Probably cut my hair? Color it a weird color? Platinum white perhaps? I'm getting tired of pretending to be like anybody else. I feel trapped. I feel weird every day that I don't get to wear things I want to wear just to please my mother or people around me. It's like being in prison.
I don't know why I do this to myself. I know I am to blame but I'm such a people pleaser and I really don't like that about me. I am envious of all the people that aren't afraid of showing who they are, of not being judged. It's cool not to care sometimes of what people think of you. (I can't believe I am having teenage problems. How very odd, at this age!)
I can't wait for the day I stop caring.